[This is the Angel Brrknk, and I am writing you from the Freedom Consortium, a coalition of like-minded earthlings who have come together to tell you the TRUTH. There’s not a lot of truth-telling on the Earth right now, probably because citizens of the most self-important of your nations, strangely called the United States, are locked in a ruinous dispute over power.  While they argue other countries probe and provoke to see how much can be chipped away from such a disunited group. This has led some of you to complain that November 8, the so-called Election Day, may spell the end of your world.

But first, let me explain why I am here with you.  The Freedom Consortium is a hacker group, dedicated to spreading TRUTH wherever they find it. The foolish proprietor of this blog left on vacation a bit ago, and put even bigger fools in charge. One of them logged onto a site sponsored by the Coalition that promised interesting pictures, etc. The pictures were a lie, of course, and once the idiot logged in the Coalition downloaded viral software and took control of this site. So “Elemental Zoo” is now “Elemental Poo,” or whatever. Anyway the Freedom Consortium is in charge, until someone finds a way to dislodge it.

I am Brrknk, and I am not from this planet. I have come here to tell you that your world will not end on November 8, or any time this year. I know this because my people, the far-seeing arthropods, have mental and scientific skills that far exceed yours. We know when such things may happen, and you are nowhere near an extinction event.  The last time such a thing happened on Earth was at the end of the Cretaceous period, when there were violent political disputes between the Tyrannosaurus Rex tribe on the one hand, and the Ooze Dwelling Poisonous Reptiles [ODPRs] on the other.  Both had highly developed mental skills – something your scientists have yet to discover – and cultural peculiarities. The T-Rexes had a fetish about their teeth, sharpening, brushing and flossing them at every opportunity; while the ODPRs spent most of their waking hours writing propaganda and developing new and more virulent poisons.

Some humans emulate the T-Rex, developing new weapons and tactics at a fast clip, and deploying them around the world. Modern defense industries in the U.S., the Russian Federation and numerous other countries qualify in this regard. Others, like non-state actors, insurgents and spies tend to specialize in poisons, anti-personnel weapons and propaganda. They disguise themselves and hide their tools wherever possible, and are today’s ODPRs. But I can tell you with certainty that, no matter how deadly the human T-Rex and ODPR tribes become, neither will be able to completely destroy the other with conventional weapons.

The ancients discovered these limitations as well, and moved into outer space for their final solutions. Late in the Cretaceous they discovered the meteoroids and comets that occasionally came near the earth, and, like you do today, began to chart them.  Eventually they realized that some such objects also might hit the planet, causing great damage. So they developed techniques to change their pathways, so that the Earth would be missed.

Many denizens of the Cretaceous applauded these advances, reasoning that if everyone were safe, then they would be, also. But not all saw it that way. Some holdouts in the T-Rex and ODPR communities reasoned that, if meteoroid, etc. pathways could be changed to miss the earth, they could be changed to hit it as well. With careful calculation the T-Rex might yet wipe out the ODPRs, or vice-versa. So it was tried by one side or the other, or possibly by both, and the result was extinction of most life on the planet.

I am Brrknk and my knowledge and abilities far exceed yours. So let me assure you that foolish humans are not advanced enough to move celestial objects in space, or change their orbits.  For the moment you are safe from celestial extinction, as were the beings of the Cretaceous, until they learned how to do that thing. You will have to work much harder to reach their level of proficiency.]

Thank you, Brrknk. We of the Coalition are honored that you chose to visit at this critical point in our planet’s history. No offense intended, but our scientists also are well-versed in the ways of near earth objects[1], and agree that there will be no major strikes on our planet from space between now and Thanksgiving.[2] They admit we have no real clue as to how to change the orbital paths of such objects, but say they are studying the problem.[3]  When they have solutions our Government, – no doubt like those in the Cretaceous – will act speedily to protect us and our friends. Of course the best defense is a good offense, so necessarily the Government also will explore how to weaponize these objects in space; purely as a defensive measure, of course; to neutralize our enemies. Trust us, we are not as dumb as you think. Rapid progress will be made.

In the meantime we have more immediate concerns here on planet earth. Some time, around midnight, November 8 we’re going to find out who will be the next President of the United States. Many are upset by this; at least that’s what our media say; because neither party has fielded a candidate who is popular. Donald Trump is unpopular with the super conservatives; in a crowded field, he soundly thrashed their favorites just about everywhere; and, to add insult to injury, he apparently also lacks a taste for war. He may not endorse new military adventures overseas. Conservatives, or the loud part of them, are the party of war; they’re livid, and apparently will stop at nothing to defeat Trump. Some of them threaten to vote Democrat this year.

When did the word “Republican” become synonymous with “Conservative?” The conservatives coined the phrase “RINO,” i.e., Republicans in Name Only. As I understand it, a Republican became a RINO when he, or she, failed to endorse each and every idea proclaimed by some nut job on conservative talk radio. Now some of the nut jobs [and their acolytes] are crossing over to the Democrats. What do we call them now: RINOs, New Democrats or simply modern-day Ooze Dwelling Poisonous Reptiles? In any case, we’ll know they’ve taken over that party when mainstream Democrats become DINOs, or Democrats in Name Only.

The Democrat Party seems an unlikely new home for disaffected Republicans. After all, before they selected Hillary Clinton as their candidate, the Democrats had a spirited debate between the left and the socialist wings of their party. The result was that Mrs. Clinton, the Democrats’ ultimate nominee for President, moved far left on social programs, but stayed hawkish on foreign policy. She probably won’t commit to “boots on the ground” in the Middle East any time soon, but once the ODPRs are in charge, even that may change. That’s why there are lobbyists; they make such things possible.

But I didn’t really mean to get into the political campaigns. Today we’re here to speculate about whether this election will lead to the end of the world. Well, Angel Brrknk has answered that one. We’re not in danger of total destruction until (i) the nations of the world learn how to control the objects in space that come close to us, and (ii) modern day T-Rexes and ODPRs take control of our governments.

Are Hillary Clinton, or key people on her staff, members of the ODPR tribe? Is Donald Trump a modern T-Rex? Will the voters decide?

Kkkkkkrrrwoooiwppplkjmnmmmmbxxxxxaaaaappoooowpeieururutytytytyzmzmzmzmxnjxnxnxncbcb Danger … Danger … Danger … Danger … Consortium Prime is Losing Control … Losing Control … Losing ……

I’m back! Get off my site, you bastards. Stop pushing this nonsense! Don’t stop and I’ll nuke you! Figuratively speaking, of course.

 

[1] See NASA, Near Earth Object Program, Discovery Statistics,  available at http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/stats/

[2] See NASA, Near Earth Object Program, Close Approaches, available at http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/ca/

[3] Want to see our currently projected risk of colliding with some of these things? See NASA, Near Earth Object Program,  Sentry Risk Table, available at http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/risk/

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